Current Post On Trae’s Blog:
So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.
Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
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Wisconsin has a rich German heritage to it hence why it has a rich beer brewing industry. Maybe they are visiting relatives or something and they are on their back to Chicago O Hare or something.
Oh and according to google translate the guy said “you can not just go harass foreign in gas stations. we are not belgium.”
I think Google Translate may have been used to generate the dialogue to begin with. It’s the German equivalent of Engrish.
IT’S ALMOST AS IF I DON’T SPEAK GERMAN.
*Gasp!* Das kann nicht wahr seihen!
That’s not what Google translate outputs if you put it in as two sentences… and have the capitalization right (which admittedly doesn’t come through in the all-caps font I use).
If you feel like fixing the German, it should be something like, “Du kannst nicht einfach Fremde in Tankstellen belästigen!”
(As it is, the strip is really weird: why would these people talk to each other in broken German? Unless neither of them is actually German, but that’s the only language they both kinda know?…)