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- Traegorn

Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
I imagine Sarah has a playlist of Taylor Swift and Tragic Kingdom era Gwen Stefani on her phone right now.
Taylor Swift? Probably.
Gwen Stefani? Probably not.
Sarah was born in 1995. She probably only knows who Gwen Stefani is from The Voice.
(If she does, she considers No Doubt “Dad music” or something)
This is wrong in ways that make my eye twitch.
This…makes me feel so old. ;_;
Today’s teens and college students feel the way about 90’s ska as we did about 70’s disco.
Our joy is that in the 2030’s, the next generation will feel that way about Drake and Fetty Wap.
This doesn’t really seem to be Ruth’s fault. If in the past Steve had appt access and Sarah revoked it, she should have told her roommates in order to avoid exactly this situation. Not doing that means letting Steve in the appt is a perfectly reasonable decision for Ruth to make. (And no, a Facebook status change does not count as telling people, it’s far too easy to miss to be considered reliable)