Current Post On Trae’s Blog:
So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.
Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
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Wait, wait… is it actually possible for someone to be this dumb?!
Alas, yes…
I got nothing. Although it can be easy to forget names or confuse them.
Did he forget the part where Veronica is Max’s girlfriend? Maybe he thinks that she only became con director because she’s sleeping with most of the staff.
At this point it might be wise to have a professional have a talk with Terrence, what ever meds hes taking are not working.
Sarah: the girl who hated on you every time she ever saw you, unlike the rest of the staff…
…who recommended Terrence for Bork Con staff again?
No one – Terrence saw a flier and just showed up to a meeting. Bork Con has an open invitation for new people to pop into meetings to see if they’re interested in joining staff. From what it looks, if you’re interested then you start by working under someone else and gain more responsibilities the longer you stay on and prove you can handle it.
So Bork Con’s staff system is directly based on No Brand Con’s (because it’s the system I know best).
It runs with open meetings — anyone can join “general staff” just by showing up at meetings. Those “general staffers” can join committees (with the consent of the committee or department head that oversees it), but they don’t have to.
…..no Terrance…. just… no…
In what universe is “She’s not my girlfriend!” “Yes, she is.” an exchange that’s anywhere close to sane?