Current Post On Trae’s Blog:
So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.
Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
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Let’s see – Max locks the thread, Terrence blames it on Veronica, so he decides to egg Ruth and Sarah’s house? Badly?
I’m kind of glad he alternates into these periods of total incompetence.
Well, he probably doesn’t know it was Max who did it, and Ruth and Sarah are the only ones he knows where live.
I think Terrence should seek from help maybe from a psychologist or a anger management course. Either that or everyone involved in Bork Con staff could get a restraining order on him.
Honestly, he should seek help from a fist in the face. Sadly enough, some people just reach a certain level of jackholery that they’re never going to back down from, because no one’s ever forced the issue. I’m not all about “Yay, violence!” but the few people I’ve met that are this level of narcissistic messed up just will not quit until someone makes it clear to them that further shenanigans will result in pain. Use sparingly, but some people literally will not pay attention to anything short of immediate pain or incarceration. And at this point, it’d be hard to achieve the latter.
Not too hard. Call the cops, tell them some kid is egging your house. I give it a 50/50 chance Terrance ends up throwing eggs at the cops. And a big part of it only being 50% is because he might run out before the cops get there.