Current Post On Trae’s Blog:
So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.
Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
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Artist Alley Table Rule #17: You will always get busiest exactly when you really need to be something else.
Rule #17-A: Acting busy to deliberately invoke this rule doesn’t work
Rule 17-b; The number of people coming to the table will be directly proportional to the need that one has to go to the rest room. The more you gotta go, the more people show up at your table.
Rule-17-b-2: Again, trying to use this deliberately doesn’t work.
Rule 17-b-3: You’ll stop being busy if you start peeing on people.
Mostly because you’ll get arrested.
But sometimes you do what you need to.
I feel there’s yet another layer for people who won’t go away when peed upon, but I don’t want to think about it too much…
Thats rule 34
She said the thing…
Even when i worked retail we knew better then to say the thing (was a joke at first but we quickly learned better) and id warn every new hire they always laughed…they learned
As a Dealer, I’ve long known that the best-ever “Summon Customers” Spell is to dash off to the restroom when the Dealers’ Room has been *dead* for ages. There’ll be at least half a dozen impatient folks clustered in your booth by the time you get back… :-}