Current Post On Trae’s Blog:
So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.
Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
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Sounding less like a Camper and more like a Passed Out Drunk.
You can usually smell the difference. Also, I did once have to deal with a camper who slept this soundly.
I resorted to kicking their leg until they got up (I suspect they were awake for longer, but were pretending to still be asleep, hoping I’d give up and leave them alone)
You know, somehow none of the times I did Video Room duty ever involved dealing with this. And I had a nice poking stick ready just in case!
Hey there’s a song I know. That’s a good one, All Star that is.
Her mistake was the musical selection. It’s much too gentle. I mean, it was in the Shrek soundtrack, so he might be dreaming that’s what’s playing in the film room.
Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries” works quite well in this situation. So does “Fire” by Arthur Brown.
I’d go with Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. Very high chance he’ll wake up in time to headbang along with the bridge. Everyone does.
KISS’s “Rock and Roll All Night (And Party Every Day) would wake the dead!
I use speed metal to rouse my campers from their mooching slumber.
Speed metal has a very soothing quality to me — I often fall asleep listening to it…
I’ve unintentionally fell asleep in the anime room.
..while I was the volunteer watching it. The midnight-4am ‘Hentai shift’. I made it to about 1am.
Folks poked me awake when it was time to switch out Laserdiscs; I did, then promptly passed out again. Luckily, it was a verrrry laid-back con. And anyone awake to see Henta at 3am in the era of Laserdiscs was not a troublemaker.
Also I apparently can’t say the word ‘hen tai’ in the comments. (o_O)
…I didn’t specifically ban it. Must be built into WordPress by default.
I edited your post so the spelling is fixed…