Current Post On Trae’s Blog:
So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.
Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
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i’m with max pick the second one
Ditto!
If he stays true to form, he’ll pick the second one.
Don’t kill him, Veronica! Lynn will be sad you left her out of it!
Was I wrong to hope that Lynn would of shown up?
She’s handling this far more calmly than I would expect.
Naw, Con-zen. She’s already had to deal with so much weird, stupid stuff that she’s gone into full “extremely reasonable murderbot” mode. It’s inevitable after enough time passes – you just aren’t willing to invest in drama anymore – you got too much to do and you’re sick of this crap.
Reading the moussover text, Terrence would be lucky to be Number 6…
I am not a number, color, and infraction. I am a free man! Or, at least, I will be in 30 seconds.
‘A handful of single digit badge numbers’…. not to quibble with the murderous lady, but wouldn’t it be two handfuls? I assume there is no Badge Number zero, so nine single digits?
Only if all of them showed up. It seems like the single digits are the people who started the con, so it’s likely Max was just the first person to sign up.
And Jenna’s dead.
Less than 24 hours until we learn his choice, and the wait is killing me!