Current Post On Trae’s Blog:
So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.
Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
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This kind of reminds me of a pool incident.
What is this the second or third time we have had some one contemplating that chandelier?
Where’s your precious Terrence now?!?
Sulking like Achilles in his tent?
Planning his defense with the plaster tire tracks, footprints, dog-smellin’ prints and twenty-seven 8 x 10 color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explainin’ what each one was?
You can get anything you want, excepting a moment’s peace…
(this feels weird – for the first year in I forget how many I’m not on any concoms. Fingers crossed… I can use the break.)
Wondering is fine. It’s when you try to find out that trouble starts.
Nope, still not used to a character with my name. It helps that Terrence is an insufferable jerk and at least I think I’m not that. But it’s still super weird to see it.