Current Post On Trae’s Blog:
So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.
Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
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…unless Unagi con has something you desperately need in which case it’s better to buy one.
A case of where Lynn needs to call up Jim and go, “My dude, are you currently running a group/message-board titled “Bork Con Sucks?” And are you running flack for the Neo-Nazi you refused to remove from your convention? You know, the one two members of your staff had a restraining order against? The same one another staff member asked to leave your convention?”
And if he says “yes”, we get into asking if he’s still doing it after Lynn had her momentary talk post previous convention (Trae didn’t make this explicitly clear in dialogue).
And if he says “no” she confronts him with the “I’m looking at the posts right this moment, and if it persists Bork Con will have to rethink it’s equipment sharing agreement with UnagiCon”.
You not idea how often this stuff comes up in Florida conventions; not the whole Neo-Nazi thing, but one Con-Runner casting shade at another convention even when they have agreements to share things and play nice.