Ahem.

My father's family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name Philip, my infant tongue could make of both names nothing longer or more explicit than Pip. So, I called myself Pip, and came to be called Pip. I give Pirrip as my father's family name, on the authority of his tombstone and my sister,—Mrs. Joe Gargery, who married the blacksmith. As I never saw my father or my mother, and never saw any likeness of either of them (for their days were long before the days of photographs), my first fancies regarding what they were like were unreasonably derived from their tombstones. The shape of the letters on my father's, gave me an odd idea that he was a square, stout, dark man, with curly black hair. From the character and turn of the inscription, ''Also Georgiana Wife of the Above,'' I drew a childish conclusion that my mother was freckled and sickly. To five little stone lozenges, each about a foot and a half long, which were arranged in a neat row beside their grave, and were sacred to the memory of five little brothers of mine,—who gave up trying to get a living, exceedingly early in that universal struggle,—I am indebted for a belief I religiously entertained that they had all been born on their backs with their hands in their trousers-pockets, and had never taken them out in this state of existence. Ours was the marsh country, down by the river, within, as the river wound, twenty miles of the sea. My first most vivid and broad impression of the identity of things seems to me to have been gained on a memorable raw afternoon towards evening. At such a time I found out for certain that this bleak place overgrown with nettles was the churchyard; and that Philip Pirrip, late of this parish, and also Georgiana wife of the above, were dead and buried; and that Alexander, Bartholomew, Abraham, Tobias, and Roger, infant children of the aforesaid, were also dead and buried; and that the dark flat wilderness beyond the churchyard, intersected with dikes and mounds and gates, with scattered cattle feeding on it, was the marshes; and that the low leaden line beyond was the river; and that the distant savage lair from which the wind was rushing was the sea; and that the small bundle of shivers growing afraid of it all and beginning to cry, was Pip.

Ahem.

by Trae Dorn on March 24, 2016 at 12:00 am

Chapter: Chapter 7

└ Tags: jim, ruth, sarah p

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Discussion (13) ¬

calvsie

March 24, 2016, 12:24 am | # | Reply

wait… why is the alt text… ohhhhh… wait what?
Blitzkrieg1701

March 24, 2016, 12:52 am | # | Reply

I didn’t even know they made Charles Dickens video games
- Sleeps Furiously
  
  March 24, 2016, 10:16 am | # | Reply
  
  But what I do know now is that they should.
KORfan

March 25, 2016, 11:33 pm | # | Reply

The green-haired person does not have a badge displayed on their front above the waist.
- E. Bernhard Warg
  
  March 25, 2016, 11:40 pm | # | Reply
  
  I think I see a lanyard!
  Or is it her shoulders?
  Stick figure anatomy is confusing.
- Glenn
  
  March 27, 2016, 11:58 am | # | Reply
  
  It’ll get reconned later.
- Trae Dorn
  
  March 27, 2016, 12:00 pm | # | Reply
  
  Wait, above the waist is a requirement at some cons? I always tie my badge to my belt…
  - Dessa
    
    March 28, 2016, 4:25 pm | # | Reply
    
    Sakura-Con’s policies clearly state “chest high and be visible at all times.”
E. Bernhard Warg

March 27, 2016, 5:12 pm | # | Reply
E. Bernhard Warg

March 27, 2016, 5:13 pm | # | Reply

Whoops! I formatted that reply incorrectly. Here’s what the sound effects reminded me of:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPA7SQbwDOQ
ed rhodes

March 27, 2016, 5:55 pm | # | Reply

I think I’m missing the point here. Is she playing a video game? Is it annoying Ruth? Why is the panel missing? Help me out here people.
- Trae Dorn
  
  March 27, 2016, 5:57 pm | # | Reply
  
  Ruth is playing a video game.
  
  It is annoying Sarah.
  - ed rhodes
    
    March 28, 2016, 2:07 pm | # | Reply
    
    Thanks. I am terrible with character names. If you add enough characters to a series, I get completely lost as to who’s who!

Reply to Blitzkrieg1701 ¬ Cancel reply

So I Updated the Steven Seagal Movie Generator?

11 June 2025 - Traegorn

So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.

Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.

I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.

Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.

But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.

And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.

So, uh, I went and did something about that today.

First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.

But I did it.

And it's done.

And the generator is now fully loaded.

It's still useless and dumb, though.

UnCONventional

Ahem.

Discussion (13) ¬

Reply to Blitzkrieg1701 ¬ Cancel reply

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