Current Post On Trae’s Blog:
So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.
Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
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Oh come on Sarah. At the very least tools can be useful for a specific purpose.
Seems like Lynn is the only one of the group who wants him on their staff. I think him lending her a hand against a nazi and his attempt to warn her has softened her up to him. I like to think we all softened up to Garner a bit.
I can’t believe that in what I would assume to be all that time no one told him who Garner is. Don’t leave Max in the dark.
I would be in the camp wondering if Garner would be a good idea. Garner as a stopped clock tells the right time once per day. And if that turns out to be the right moment for a stopped clock to tell the time so much the batter.
But don’t mistake it for a usable timepiece.
From a writing perspective Garner is a great addition. he stirs any number of pots, sows chaos in the ranks to keep things interesting. Sort of like a domesticated Terrence.
At this point I support telling Max nothing, because it amuses me. It’s sort of cruel, but so am I.
It would be a little like the beginning of Here is Greenwood.