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So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.
Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
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YES! YES! GO FOR THE BALLS NEXT!
Endlessly satisfying.
Certain to have problematic ramifications, but endlessly satisfying.
Oh boy, this will make a for an interesting police report. Who would would the police side with? I’m honestly going to believe they will side with Lynn for multiple reasons.
No, that’s battery, anywhere from a month to a year in jail.
Garner was doing to appropriate thing. If Terrence persisted in not following the rules, you call hotel/convention center/venue security and have them trespass him. If he returns and persists, then you have the venue call the police, who will invite him to leave or go to jail.
I understand the desire to physically deal with the problem; but Lynn just committed a violent criminal act. And as she was acting as a representative of the convention, Terrence can sue both Lynn and the convention for injuries. Congratulations, Terrence wins and provides a recruitment story for real Neo-Nazis and Alt-righters
I came across a relevant webcomic page from 2008
http://www.bahala-na.co.uk/catgirl-crisis/daffy-and-ginger-vs-the-zombie-nazis/
Freedom of speech only restricts some government activity. A non-government group can tell you to leave, and your speech rights do not stop police from enforcing trespassing laws.
*gasp* Are you suggesting that Terrence out of all characters might be completely wrong about something? 😛
Unfortunately, battery charges exceed con policies.
Indeed they do
The 1st Amendment protects your freedom of speech from the government and unreasonable or unconstitutional abridgment.
You still have a freedom of speech vis a vis other citizens, they just don’t have to listen, hang around, or let you stay in a private location not your own. A hotel doesn’t have to let you stay if you’re an asshole to other guests, a convention renting the convention space of a hotel doesn’t have to let you into that area.
Hmmm lets see…..
1. T make a ‘threatening move’ towards Gamer, Lynn was acting as a good samaritan and defending Gamer
2. Lynn has a known history of anger issues, with the con so busy she forgot her medication and the uniform triggered an episode.
3. Lynn ‘tripped’ and T was in the way
4. Given this is the mid-west, cops don’t mind what happened to T
Seeing how Lynn’s knee is in the air, she should have also given Terrence a knee kick to his family jewels. That would be hilarious because it’s always funny to see a guy hit below the belt, if it wasn’t, then comedy shows and movie wouldn’t include it.
Reality you’d definitely have assault charges. Most likely be a minimal sentence though. Community service/etc. Any decent lawyer would bring up the whole “Well, she’s unlikely as hell to re-offend, given the general lack of asshats running around in full nazi regalia.” thing. She’d be internet famous for a while of course – which is fair enough. I’d buy her a drink/cookie/whatever the heck in a heartbeat, and shake her hand. Sometimes, “It’s not right, but I understand.” is a very valid concept**. This is one of those times.
**Not claiming nazis don’t need punching – the “not right” part only comes in due to his not actually doing anything other than existing as a highly visible jackhole. For that level of offense, just dragging him outside would be more like “right” but punching… yeah I can understand that too.
As a private citizens you can’t touch him unless he attacks you first. Touching him constitutes battery. Threatening to hit him in a “convincing way” constitutes assault: raising your fists and swinging but not connecting is assault. Actually connecting is battery. If he attacks first it’s self-defense and you can respond “appropriately” and proportionately.
Yes, as I noted – it’s going to result in charges – or at least it would in reality. That doesn’t mean that it never needs to happen. See “It’s not right, but I understand.
Eh, he was given a chance, and refused to leave. He is now being removed by force… focused on his face.
Terrence’s eyes are closed! Maybe he didn’t see Lynn!
Yeah, that’s the ticket!
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!