Current Post On Trae’s Blog:
My grandmother died last night. This wasn't a shock or a surprise. Her health has been on the decline, and she's been in hospice for the last month. She lived a long life, and in her final days she was surrounded by her three adult children.
My grandma was a kind woman. She wasn't perfect, but I always felt loved in her presence. She was a retired kindergarten teacher, and was still working when I was a kid. I have so many happy memories sitting at her kitchen table, and I'm going to carry those with me for the rest of my life. She was also proof that anyone who claims that you get more conservative as you get older is full of shit, because she certainly didn't.
I think it's interesting how the body processes grief sometimes. I don't know that I'll cry, but over the past month, knowing this was coming, I've felt a tension in my gut. Now that she's passed, instead of relief that tension is replaced by a sense of emptiness. That something is missing that should still be there. Something has been taken away, and I feel it.
Of course, as I wrote that, I immediately started crying... so I guess my body processes grief in pretty ordinary ways too.
I wanted to come up with something profound linking this to Beltane, which we sit in the middle of right now, but it just seemed hackneyed. Like I was trying to dig out some greater significance when the truth is death comes whenever it wants. The only predictable thing about it is that it's the end of all of our journeys. I hope that when I pass I'm so lucky to have lived such a long life with people that I love around me in my final days.
For the record, I will be fine. I just needed to get these words out while they were still in my head. I don't have some rousing conclusion or deep insight to tack on here at the end, just that gut feeling that something is missing.
Because it is.
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I feel personally attacked.
(Con’s in a week. This year I am the ‘get my sh*t together’ camp. Or as someone once G-rated it, “Get your poop in a group”.)
I need to remember that expression…
“List Spaghetti Privilege”? Maybe if people don’t get their shit together, Jim cuts off their meals at the con?
I assume it’s a variation of Calvin & Hobbes’ “Noodle Incident.”
Respect for the folks who do hard work for a Con. I just show up and make sure the Guests stay fed and watered, maybe double check they make it to whatever panel. Sometimes there’s a shopping run or picking someone up from the airport, but over all it’s a pretty simple position.
Something like Security? I couldn’t do that. I can be big and intimidating, but being polite to people who are not, keeping an eye on things to stop problems before they start… not in my skill set.
Yeah, sorta a similar background back in the day. I was involved with cons, I was not involved at the full planning, financials, and kicking others in the butt so they finally get something done dammit level. It was a flat out relief to not be in several situations, just because ye gods sometimes I’d have snapped and smacked somebody one. Nearly did twice, even as a minion-esque type.