Current Post On Trae’s Blog:
So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.
Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
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Wow
*crowd* Ooooooooooh.
I’m now reading his line in Loki’s voice. What’s wrong with me?
His corpse was found riddled with what appeared to be horn marks. The multiple witnesses to the event all swear they were nowhere in the vicinity when it occurred, claiming they were lost in the the vendor room.
Police say that, given the labyrinthine layout of the vendor room, their prime suspect is a minotaur.
“Witnesses say they were all in the bathroom at the time. The 4×5 ft room is being dubbed “The TARDIS’ because there are over 100 supposed witnesses”
Is that the Nerd and Tie cast there to the side?
Maaaaybe.
Since we don’t charge for autographs as of yet this wouldn’t be a problem for us. The guests might feel bad if no one was lining up for their signature.
Minion, who’s name I don’t think I’ve heard and wouldn’t bother to remember if I had? There occasionally comes a time when you need to slap your boss to keep him from doing something really stupid. It may seem cruel, but he’ll thank you in the long run. Sadly, the proper time is well past, and some interest has has built up. You’ll need to slap him more than once. Go ahead and start, I’ll let you know when to stop.
this guy reminds me of Mike from Something Positive back in the days of the redneck tree
Cue ” The Ballad of Doug Wright”…
Been going through the archives and noticed that the attendance was capped at 2000. Expecting more people is one thing, these expectations are positively delusional.
You hadn’t noticed that the first time through?