Current Post On Trae’s Blog:
So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.
Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.
I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground "newspaper" that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.
Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the "Syfy" movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.
But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.
And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren't in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.
So, uh, I went and did something about that today.
First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they're not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.
But I did it.
And it's done.
And the generator is now fully loaded.
It's still useless and dumb, though.
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GARNER!!! Yeah!!! Let’s bring him on board! He’s at the very least the least asshole person we know right now.
Join the con, Garner! We want you back in our lives!!
A useful jackhole > than an amiable useless type when you need to actually get things done. Sad, true, etc.
Garner will make things interesting at the very least…
Is Max coming back to the main cast? I kind of miss seeing him in the cast. But it is good to get Garner I bet he’ll be that guy who actually turns out to be a decent guy in the end.
Or he’ll just continue to be an annoying bastard that sometimes does good things. Not unrealistic, that.
No one is perfect but even with his tendencies to be an asshole, that doesn’t mean Garner is all around a bad person. Some people still have redeeming qualities to them. I think Garner has redeemed himself and I think Lynn is willing to tolerate him and keep him under wraps. But some people like Garner have their feasons for being who they are. We might look down on Garner for them but maybe they have a good cause behind. I can understand the frustration when someone new comes into the picture and suddenly becomes a figure of authority without much effort.